


Alternate Timelines Are So Last Year (Misadventures In The DC Universe)

by FrozenHearts



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Gotham (TV), Man of Steel (2013), Suicide Squad (2016), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Adorable Cisco Ramon, Awkward Conversations, BAMF Alfred, Bad Cooking, Barry Allen & Felicity Smoak Friendship, Barry Allen & Iris West Friendship, Beating Up Bad Guys, Blatant Misuse of Superpowers, Bruce won't appear much though, Clark transfers to Central City Picture News, Diggle s no idea how to handle all these superheroes, Established Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, Everyone is surprised that Bruce Wayne is a child, F/M, Felicity is convinced Rip is a Time Lord, First Meetings, Fluff, Game Night at Iris's, Gen, Harley/Joker is such a bad relationship, Harrison Wells is a good guy, Hostage Situations, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, It's implied throughout the one-shots involving Harley, Joe is used to it, Journalist Buddies, Lois reads Iris's blog, Minor Barry Allen/Iris West, Not all the time, One Shot Collection, Reporter Buddies, Rip doesn't have time for this, Ronnie is still alive, Secret Identity, Seriously Alfred Pennyworth is awesome, Slight AU regarding that fact, So does Kara, So is Eddie, Trivia Night at Jitters, slumber parties, so it isn't really an issue, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-24 22:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6168871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHearts/pseuds/FrozenHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, it all started when Lois read a blog and Iris met the incredibly handsome Clark Kent, a transfer from the Daily Planet in Metropolis.</p>
<p>A series of one-shots exploring the many misadventures of The Flash, Arrow, Supergirl, The Man Of Steel and their loved ones. Cisco just wished he had enough room for selfies on his phone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Blog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lois reads Iris's blog, and Clark is transferred to Central City Picture News.

Really, it started when Lois had read that blog. Maintained by an Iris West, it chronicled the whereabouts of a 'Red Streak,' more commonly known as the Flash. It was quite interesting, and it soon took up a lot of Lois's time. Every day, she would mention another of the Flash's incredible feats.  It was cute, in Clark's eye; Lois's eyes would shine as she gesticulated wildly, her long red hair getting in her face until she pushed it back over and over. It didn't even matter that an actual alien was her boyfriend. The Flash was new and exciting, and so Clark listened to whatever she had read that day or what she saw on the news regarding him.

"The author of the blog finally revealed themselves!" Lois exclaimed during a lunch date one day. Clark smiled as he cut up his steak, the utensils dwarfed in his large hands. 

"Really?" Clark prompted, "And what's the guy's name?"

If Lois smiled any wider, Clark thought the shine in her eye and the sparkle of her teeth could rival that of the sun. Lois bounced in her chair like a child at a carnival, "Not a guy! A girl. Iris West, at Central City Picture News!"

Wow. Lois was no doubt going to scour the globe for this girl, but Clark realized that the news company sounded familiar. Was it Kara? No. Clark smiled as Lois continued rambling through bites of a fluffy crepe dripping with chocolate sauce. Kara worked at that place CatCo in National City. His cousin was fine.

"So when do you start?" Lois broke through his thoughts, slurping at the remains of a tall soda. She licked her lips, "At Central City Picture News, I mean?" At Clark's blank stare, she laughed, "Earth to Smallville! You remember your temporary transfer?"

"Technically, it would be 'Krypton to Smallville," Clark corrected.

"Uh-huh. Anyway, you leave for Central in two days. You all packed?"

Clark nodded. It hadn't taken long, and the alien didn't need much. He'd probably end up buying new clothes there to replace his old ones. But he knew this trip would probably be good- as much as he loved Metropolis, he really needed to get out more, and this temporary transfer would help. 

It was also nice that he wouldn't have to play Superman for a new city. They already had a caped crusader to take care of them. Lois had gone to talking about her day, which was nice. It felt normal, and Lois had a soothing voice. Clark felt he could listen to her all day. Picking up her head, Lois caught him staring, "Is something on my face?"

"No, it's just...." Clark felt himself blush, heat rising from his neck to his cheeks, "I'm gonna miss you while I'm gone is all."

Lois beamed, "It isn't like you're going back to Krypton! And besides, it's only for a month, right?"

"Yeah, but still-"

"Tell you what, Smallville," Lois reached for his hand across the table, "I'll text you every morning when I get up, when I go on break abd before I go to bed." She rubbed his knuckle with her thumb, "Would that make you feel better?"

Clark nodded, "I'll get you Miss West's autograph to make up for being a nuisance then." 

Lois gave him a smug grin as she leaned over the table, pecking him on the cheek as she teased, "You always know what to say to get a girl going, don't you, Smallville?"

\------

Iris was just glad the focus was no longer on The Flash today, instead her boss had decided on a staff meeting. A plate of donuts sat on the wide table, and Iris snatched a couple on her way to a chair.

"Thanks," Linda Park slid into the seat next to her, taking the vanilla frosted donut from her. "Think it will be budget cuts again?"

Iris shrugged. She doubted the boss would go that far, seeing as they were already pretty short handed in the office already. Iris told her so, glad that she managed to swipe a strawberry frosted donut for herself. Strawberry donuts were always the first to go in the break room.

Through bites, Iris asked, "Did you read the new Lois Lane article from the Daily Planet recently?"

"About Superman saving Metropolis again? Of course-"

"Alright, people!" the boss walked in, cutting the conversation short, "Let's begin, shall we?"

The conversation turned to news stories, which lasted for about ten minutes, considering the only good story was from a bank heist that happened last week by some Red Hood Gang. The other letdown was that it didn't happen in Central, but in Gotham, so Iris knew right away the story would be voided for fear of stealing from the Gotham Gazette.

"Well, now that I've been disappointed enough, let me just say we have a transfer reporter coming with us for the next month." Everyone perked up, and Linda grinned. Iris figured she was hoping the transfer would be a hot guy. Of course, that wouldn't be a bad thing in Iris's mind either.

The door opened, and a young man walked in, hefting a messenger bag over his shoulders. He was broad, and Iris could see how well defined his muscles were under his blue button down shirt. His black hair was slightly mussed and windblown, a single coil hanging in his face. Nervous, he pushed a pair of thick rimmed rectangle glasses up the bridge of his nose 

"I think blue just became my new favorite color," Linda said as they watched the man survey thw room. From her seat, Iris could see his eyes were an icy blue, the kind that made you melt and tense up all at the same time.

"Everyone," the boss cleared his throat, "this is Clark Kent. He's transferring here for the month from the Daily Planet in Metropolis." A pause, as hushed whispers erupted amongst the staff.

"The Daily Planet?"

"That newspaper is top-notch-"

"I think I read an article written by this guy about fracking or something-"

"Ugh can we just get this overwith? I have lunch break in five minutes!"

Iris glanced at Clark. He seemed embarrassed, shoulders hunched slightly as he rubbed his chin. A strained smile was on his face, and the poor guy looked like he wanted to disappear. She remembered that feeling of being new. No one would take her seriously outside of the Flash, and her coworkers (save Linda and surprisingly Mason) were utter douchebags. Clark nodded, glancing at the floor as he shuffled to a seat.

Iris didn't bother listening to the rest of the meeting, instead googling any articles she could find that Clark had written.

This was going to be an interesting month.


	2. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity and Oliver are preparing for a business meeting, hoping to create a merger with Wayne Enterprises.
> 
> Bruce is not exactly what Oliver expected when he walked into the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know on Gotham, Bruce is like, twelve or something, but I thought it would ve interesting, considering that he owns and runs a business company.
> 
> I'm keeping Bruce's age canon, so consider it slight AU in regards to that.

Bruce knew that Queen Consolidated was, at best, an ignorant company. True, everyone working there had the best intentions at heart, but it didn't seem as if they were really focused on a common goal. Most of the attempts to donate or fund charities were blindsided by the past, some sort of scandal involving Oliver Queen's mother being suspected of murder.

Murder was nothing new to Bruce either. Witnessing his parents deaths was tragic. Traumatic, really, and Alfred did everything in his power to make sure the young master didn't lose himself in what he deemed a "search for the impossible."

But Bruce knew it was possible to catch the guy. Comissioner Gordon had kept his promise to the best of his ability, and for that the young billionaire was grateful ; it showed him that people were still willing to help, even in a place as dark as Gotham City. But Queen Consolidated, located in one Starling City, had potential. The company knew what they wanted: to do right by the people. They were just going about it the wrong way, maybe.

"Alfred," Buce said, during a boxing match one day, "l was thinking we should branch out the conpany."

The butler threw a fake punch, "Seems as good an idea as any, Master Bruce. What did you have in mind?" Alfred held a mitt up, and Bruce had to jump in order to smack his palm with his own red gloves.

"I was thinking of doing a business merger," Buce explained.

Alfred nodded, "With whom?"

Bruce grinned. Alfred would always back him up. Good. Throwing one last punch, Bruce wiped a sheen of sweat from his forehead.

"Oliver Queen and Queen Consolidated."

\--------

Oliver and Felicity were stunned when a letter from Wayne Enterprises had arrived in thr office, and absolutely ecstatic when the letter described a sort of business wager. Both knew that an opportunity like this would never come along again, thus Oliver immediately accepted and had a meeting scheduled.

"What if he doesn't like my ideas?" Oliver worried as he sat in his office. Felicity was fidgeting with thr plaque on Oliver's desk, shrugging as she gave up.

"Wayne Enterprises is pretty big," she reminded him, "and he'll probably like it. It's to help people, right? That's what Wayne does. He helps."

Felicity didn't bother adding that it would bring respect back to Queen Consolidated. It didn't need to be said. Clearing her throat, she asked, "Ready?"

Oliver peeked at the clock. It was now three in the afternoon. Mr. Wayne would be arriving any second. His hands were clammy as he clasped them on the desk. Felicity was about to say something when they heard footsteps pounding down the hall.

"Come along, now!" an obviously British voice called, "Lest we make a bad impression!"

Felicity and Oliver exchanged wary looks when what was obviously a child's voice called back, "I know! I'm right behind you, don't worry!"

Grinning, Felicity said, "I can watch him while you and Mr. Wayne talk."

"Are you sure?" Oliver asked, just as middle-aged man with graying hair appeared in the doorframe. He was dressed impeccably in a three-piece pinstriped suit, paired with brown leather loafers. Felicity caught the glint of a gold pocketwatch hanging from the vest under his blazer.

"I apologize for our tardiness, Mr. Queen," the man raised his chin, hands behind his back as he stepped into the room. Behind him was a boy of maybe twelve, with black hair. He too wore a suit, but it was simple, with a single rose in the front pocket. 

First impressions, in Oliver's mind, were rather important. Just from the way these people held themselves, he could see they were a no-nonsense pair. Felicity stepped forward, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as she held out a hand.

"I'm Felicity Smoak," she said with a smile, "and welcome to Queen Consolidated." She gestured to Oliver, as hestood up to approach him, adding, "And this is Oliver Queen, president of the company and CEO of the business corporation's establishment." 

"A pleasure," the man said. Oliver winced at the man's vice-like grip as hr shook his hand, "you have a lovely office, Mr. Queen."

Oliver smiled politely, "Thank you, Mr. Wayne. I'm glad you were able to meet with me." The boy had stood quietly, smiling politely when Felicity crouched down to be eye-level with him. The older man chuckled, shaking his head as a sly grin crossed his features. Odd. 

"And who is this handsome young man?" Felicity asked with a laugh. The man glanced down at the boy, who nodded. Oliver thought it was kind of... official, a action of a government official or something. If anything, this boy was lightyears ahead of some adults he knew regarding manners. 

"Allow me to introduce Bruce Wayne of Wayne Enterprises," the older man placed his hands on the boy's shoulders lovingly.

Felicity stood back up, leaning over slightly as she held out her hand, "Well.... it's a pleasure to meet you, Bruce- can I call you Bruce? Or do you have a nickname, I mean, kids still use nick names right? I-"

The boy-  _Bruce Wayne,_ Oliver let this sink in, that the head of Wayne Enterprises was a  _child_ \- smiled brightly, laughing at Felicity's babble. She blushed, shrugging apologetically.

"Quite alright. Bruce is just fine," he said.

"Master Bruce?" the man coughed into his fist, and Bruce turned towards him, "Yeah, Alfred?" 

"Just remember that we have a window. Classes resume at four sharp." 

Felicity cocked her head, "If I may, Bruce, how old are you?"

Bruce wrinkled his brow, "Um, twelve. Is there a problem with my age?"

Felicity shook her head, "No I was just curious. And impressed."

Great. Oliver scratched his head. Not only was Bruce Wayne, the owner of Wayne Enterprises, a twelve year old kid, he was still in school. In fact, he was missing school just to have this meeting! Nodding, Oliver gestured to a chair in front of his desk, "Well, I guess we should begin. Wouldn't want you missing anymore school, right?"

\--------

Felicity had followed Alfred to the break room, to give Oliver and Bruce some privacy during the meeting. They were sitting comfortably in the plush chairs when Alfred finally spoke up.

"Wayne Enterprises is not doing too phenomenal either, you know," he said with his fancy British accent. Felicity licked her lips, watching Alfred's profile. His nose, while not too big, was rather bulbous compared to the rest of his face.

"I'm sure Bruce is doing the best he can-"

"Those mongrels think he doesn't understand just because he's a child," Alfred sympathized, "but children understand more than we think."

Felicity nodded. She understood what he meant. Keeping things from others usually did more harm then good. The consequences for children could be especially brutal, depending on a slew of ever-changing variables. She squirmed a bit in the large chair. Starling City was a safe place, with a bright atmosphere and friendly community. 

"What's Gotham like?" she blurted, leaning forward in her chair.

The butler pondered the question, sighing.

"Corrupt," he said after what felt like five whole minutes, "the police work under mobsters and you hear about a new murder everyday. Not to mention robbings and muggings, things of all natures, really." Felicity felt her face contort in disgust as Alfred continued, "Not really the best place to try and raise a child. But Bruce is strong. Stronger then he looks."

"Why don't his parents just move the family?" Felicity said, "Starling is safe. So is Central, and they'd find lots of schools for Bruce to go to, and-"

Alfred's face was hard, tears dotting the corners of his eyes. Felicity faltered, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. Shit.

"..... Mr. Pennyworth?" she asked softly. 

"Master Bruce's parents are no longer with us, unfortunately," Alfred supplied.

Oh.

"I'm so sorry," Felicity said, "How did it happen?" Immediately, Felicity berated herself. Stupid! You don't ask something like that!

"He saw them murdered. A mugger. Stole his father's watch and his mother's necklace. And then he shot them. Right in front of their only child."

She didn't realize that she had started crying until Alfred handed her a handkerchief. She took gratefully, smudging her glasses with tears.

"Don't cry, love," Alfred said, "Bruce is strong. Besides, he has me, yeah?"

Felicity nodded, handing him the napkin, "Yeah. Sorry, it's kind of snotty now."

"Keep it, I've got plenty."

The doors creaked open, and Alfred stood up, hands in his pockets, back ramrod straight. Oliver was just a step behind him, a broad grin on his face.

"Master Bruce, Mr. Queen," Alfred said, "I take it everything went well?"

Bruce shrugged his shoulders, a smug grin on his face, blue eyes filled with light as he replied, "As we thought. Ready?"

Oh. They were leaving now. Felicity watched as Alfred shook Oliver's hand, then kneeled down to help Bruce fix his attire, dusting it off as he looked through his belongings for school.  Bruce shook Oliver's hand as well, his fingers being dwarfed by Oliver's fist as he recited the usual "Pleasure doing business," and "We hope to hear from you again, alright?"  

Once they were at the door, Felicity wasn't exactly sure what came over her, but one minute, she was standing with Oliver, and the next, she was kneeling in front of Bruce, wrapping the boy in a hug so fierce, she feared she might've snapped his back.  

It took a minute, as Bruce was jarred from the suddenness of her actions, but then he was hugging her back, just as tight, if not tighter, with the barest whisper of tears leaking from his eyes onto her shoulders.

The next day a bouquet of flowers was sent to her office, along with a thank you note from Alfred and Bruce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hadn't originally planned on making this one-shut kind of sad, but it ended up being that way.
> 
> I just felt like Felicity would offer Bruce a hug. She seems to like hugs, and holy crap if his life was not tragic, this kid needs a hug and a good cry.


	3. Lunch Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco, Barry, and Caitlin manage to overhear a rather strange phone conversation while at Big Belly Burger.
> 
> Kara decided to see what the big deal was about Big Belly Burger on her first day in Central City and gives her cousin a call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you may have realized, most of these one-shots are set in Central City. Everyone is kind of just showing up.

National City didn't have a Big Belly Burger joint, but that didn't stop Kara's co-workers from raving about the food. A text from Lois let her know that Clark had gone to Central City for a month, and it turns out, Cat was doing the same with her. Something about digging up a new scene and trying to get ratings up.

And she had seen the place right as she got off the train. Flying over would have been easier, but Clark warned her it wouldprobably scare the locals, so she was forced to take the train. The burger place seemed to loom menacingly as she approached it, rummaging her pockets for her cell-phone. Before she could eveb open it, it buzzed.

"Hello?" Kara said, carefully weaving through the crowd to get to the front door.

"Hey, Kara!" Clark's voice was tinny through the speakers, "Was the train ride decent?"

Kara groaned, "If you count having to sit next to an old man who insists on showing you pictures of his days as a belly dancer 'decent' then I will fly over to wherever you are and proceed to use my frost breath to freeze your mouth shut."

Her cousin laughed, a deep boom that made Kara smile, "Well, if you ever need anything, I'm transferred to Central City Picture News, alright?" He proceedes to give durections that Kara knew she would immediately forget. She may be a super-powered alien, but she didn't have a super memory, unfortunately. A family passed her as she tugged open the door to the restaurant, slammed by the scent of spiced meets and fried onions.

"Ugh," Kara raised an eyebrow at the surroundings- a white tiled floor with an arrangement of round yellow tables. People sat in hard, purple plastic chairs, and the windows were outlined in a gaudy green color. 

"Huh?" Clark asked, and Kara caught the eye of a waitress, who silently led her to a table. She smiled, the chair scraping the floor as she sat down.

"I just walked into Big Belly Burger is all," Kara explained, "Ms. Grant said it was good, and it was right by the train station, so I figured I'd give it a try." Kara looked around. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, and the table next to hers was pretty enthusiastic. 

Well, at least two of them were. Two guys and a girl sat situated at their circle, a heaping mountain of burgers, fries, chicken nuggets and Kara could only guess what else sat in front of the two boys. The one with tanned skin and long black hair seemed to savor every bite, while his paler, short brown haired friend just wolfed it down in one go.

Or at least, Kara thought he did. He looked like a blur, in all honesty. 

Huh.

Kara scooched her chair towards the edge of her table to keep a better eye on them as she pretended to skim the laminted menu. Clark had launched into a whole schpiel about whatever, but Kara kept her eyes on the menu, glancing at the other three from the corner of her eye as she randomly said into the phone once in a while, "Yeah," or "Sounds terrible, how'd that happen?"

It wasn't until Clark said "So, the other day I totally sliced an enemy plane in half with my laser eyes and managed to level an entire city with a super strength punch," did Kara break out of her trance. The black haired boy had noticed her staring, and he was staring back with a shit-eating grin until the girl at his table smacked his arm.

"Wait, you did not use your laser vision in front of people, right? Clark, how careless can you be?!"

Clark laughed again, "I was just kidding, Kar. But seriously, some of my new co-workers are terrible. One guy is definitely worthy of being flung into space, lasered in half and frosted beyond recognition, let me tell you."

Kara laughed a little too loudly, as she threw her head back. Wow. Who knew her cousin had a dark side? A waitress approached and Kara pointed absentmindedly to a menu item, and the girl took the menu from her, eyeing her warily as she giggled in spurts.

"Really?" Kara said, "I'm not exactly sure how they'd see that when the body comes plummeting back to Earth in two frozen pieces."

"Well, what if I buried him on Krypton?"

Kara laughed, "Of course you would. Didn't Lois or Aunt Martha work any manners into you yet?"

\------

Cisco was surprised when he noticed the pretty blonde girl at the next table was staring. Sure, it could've been that she was staring at Barry, the stupid handsome idiot, but then she would have been actually looking in Barry's direction. And Barry was currently speed eating whatever he could at the moment, which was not exactly attractive.

"Caitlin, I need you to pinch me," Cisco said as he and the blonde locked eyes. She was on her phone, fiddling with the cuff of a baggy pink sweater as she switched from staring at him and her menu from time to time.

Caitlin raised an eyebrow, tying back her honey brown hair, "Why?"

"Don't look now, but me and the blonde at the next table are having a moment."

Caitlin sneaked a look, and Cisco heard the girl say into her phone, "Yeah- sounds terrible, how did  _that_ happen?" Cisco jumped as Caitlin smacked his arm.

"Ow!" he cried, "What was that for?"

Barry laughed between bites, raising an eyebrow at Caitlin's glare, "What? She's pretty. Cisco's a great guy. Let him have his moment."

Caitlin opened her mouth to answer when the girl laughed, throwing her head back.

"Really?" she said, "I'm not exactly sure how they'd see it when the body comes plummeting back to Earth in two frozen pieces-"

"Well, Cisco," Barry joked, "she's a keeper."

Caitlin picked up her fork, shaking her head as she stabbed at a piece of steak in her taco bowl, "She's probably just hypothetically speaking. If the calculations are done right, there's no actual way you could split a frozen body in half while it's in orbit. "

Cisco grinned, "What if she had laser eyes? Surely, the heat could do it-"

Barry adjusted his chair, "Are you suggesting this girl is a Metahuman?"

Cisco shrugged, much to Caitlin's chagrin, and the girl finally realized they knew she was staring, looking away with a furious blush. As they ate, the girl's conversation seemed to take a turn for the weird.

"Okay, that was  _not_ my fault!" she exclaimed, "Why don't you try leveling a plane, see if-"

Barry let out a sigh of releif, "See? Probably just a pilot-"

"- oh right. You did do that. Okay, but did  _your_ cape get caught in a turbine engine while you were trying to stop Zodd from taking over the planet?"

Cisco laughed, nearly choking on.his burrito as Barry and Caitlin exchanged looks. 

"Metahuman," Barry said.

"Definitely," was Caitlin's response, and the two scooted their chairs just so to listen in.

"- ill have to teach me how to control the whole x-ray vision thing," the girl said, "Yeah. I saw a whole lot of Ms Grant that I don't know if I can burn out of my memory- and it wasn't even the fact that she doesn't wear a bra, I don't want to see your stomach breaking down enzymes!"

Eventually, her conversation mpved on to normal, everyday things like getting locked out of her apartment until her sister had to come open the door for her and why haven't you proposed to Lois yet?

Cisco noticed how Barry seemed to perk up when she said, "How's the CC Picture News transfer going?"

"She knows Iris?" Barry asked.

"Probably whoever it is she's talking to," Caitlin corrected. The girl's ponytail bobbed as she nodded, a waitress brining her a plate piled with a double cheeseburger and a side of bacon and hash browns.

"Lois was talking to me about that blog the other day, yeah," she said, "But you get to work with her for a full month! Iris West, writer of the Flash blog!"

Things, Cisco decided, just got weird. They knew Iris had written the blog, but to put her name on it? That eas a recipe for disaster, especially since they now knew a possible Metahuman was reading it and another was working with her! Barry groaned as Caitlin shook her head in disdain, "I thought-"

"I've been trying, I swear," Barry said, "Iris just won't listen."

"We should let Wells know," Cisco licked his lips as they watched her eat, "I mean, looking like that, who knows-"

"Cisco!"

"Sorry, Caitlin," Cisco said sheepishly. Flirt mode was natural for him though, he couldn't help it. Besides, this girl was really pretty, and that was saying something because he currently was making plans to try and woo the Black Canary.

"Alright, let me just say, National City burgers are never this good," the girl said. A pause, then, "I was so not about to use my x-ray vision to spy on the chef! Kal-El, why would you even accuse your wonderful cousin of something like that?"

Well, at least Cisco knew now that she wasn't talking to a boyfriend. The girl finished up her call, shoving it in her purse as she ate. In fact, she seemed to eat almost as fast as Barry, with the food being gone in seconds. Cisco looked at Caitlin, who had discreetly taken out a notepad, her writing a scribbled mess across the page.

"What is that?' Barry asked, pointing with one of his fries.

"I've taken note of everything she mentioned," Caitlin explained.

"And?"

Caitlin slid the notes across the table, "Well, according to-"

"Um, excuse me?"

The three looked up, and Cisco nearly fell out of his chair. The girl was standing over them, smoothing out her pink sweater. A pair of black rimmed square glasses slid down the bridge of her nose.

"Hi, sorry to interrupt," she said nervously, "I was just wondering if you guys knew the way to the Picture News offices? I'm meeting someone- not someone, my cousin, and- oh, god, that sounded weird, sorry-"

Cisco nearly knocked over his chair as he got up, "Of course we do! Actually, we had business there ourselves-"

"We did?" Caitlin and Barry asked simultaneously. Cisco nodded- they were such bad wingmen!

"-so why don't you just follow us?" Cisco gritted his teeth, throwing daggers at his friends, who quickly caught on, thankfully.The girl beamed, and Cisco wanted to melt right there. She had perfect teeth. Like, _perfect_ teeth- her dentist must be so proud. 

"I'm Kara," she introduced herself. It took a minute for Cisco to process what had just happened. Seriously, what toothpaste did she use? And her hair looked really soft-

"I'm Caitlin," Caitlin nudged his elbow harshly. Barry nodded, "Barry, nice to meet you-"

"And I'm Crisco! I mean Disco! Crap, sorry, it's  _Cisco-_ "

Kara laughed again, pushing her glasses up on her face, "So you're Cisco who eats Crisco at the disco?" Cisco laughed forcibly, until Kara shook her head, "Sorry, that was... that was a bad joke. But thanks, for showing me around."

"Anytime," Barry smiled, "Actually, we can show you around the city this Saturday if you want, since we all have off from work."

"That's awesome, thanks," Kara said, and Cisco practically leaned on Caitlin for support as Kara punched her number into his phone.

It seemed Black Canary had some competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I didn't originally plan on having Kara/Cisco, but that kind of just ended up happening. But now that I've written it, I think it's kinda cute, I might do some more with that in larer chapters/one-shots.


	4. Doctor What, Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity runs into a man who looks like Rory Williams and claims he's a "Time Master."
> 
> Rip Hunter has no idea what "Doctor Who" is, and he doesn't know who this Rory Williams man is, but he doesn't have time to be interrogated by this snippy blonde woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got this idea after someone pointed out that Arthur Darvill is Rory on Doctor Who, and Rip on Legends Of Tomorrow is basically a Time Lord.
> 
> Enjoy!

2016. 

Shit.

The timeline was too early. Rip knew there was a version of him running around here, thus he had to be extra careful. If he ran into his past self, a number of anomalies could coincide, creating absolute chaos in the alternate dimensions and timelines that existed. Maybe even a black hole to just suck everything right up.

He knew he was in Snart's home, a Central City. It was quite pleasant, with lines of homes and shops, people bustling to get to work or wherever else they went during the day. It unnerved him a bit, knowing thag Vandal Savage could be anywhere, weaving in and out of the crowd, getting coffee or making a phone call. Rip pushed the thought from his mind. Right now, he had to find Waverunner. He knew he had left the ship near a coffee shop, but the cloaking ability of the machinery was bonkers at best. The ship may as well be put on display in a museum if it weren't cloaked properly, Vandal Savage could find it anywhere-

"Oh. My. God." 

Rip kept walking. He had to find Waverunner and not get caught by his past self. He didn't have time for this. But he heard the rapid clicking of heels on the pavement behind him as the woman reiterated.

"Oh my  _god!"_  

Annoyed, he spun on his heel, long brown coat billowing behind him as he prepared to yell at the woman when he stopped suddenly, tripping forward a step. The woman was short, wearing a pink skirt and heels with a blue tee over it. A pair of black framed glasses sat on her face, and her blond hair swung in a high ponytail as she eyed him with awe. 

Of course, Rip was more concerned as to why his face was plastered on her shirt.

"Shit."

\---------

Felicity knew she had to be dreaming. Either that, or her Doctor Who shirt was a lucky shirt. She figured the former, but she didn't care. Standing in front of her, in all his Centurion glory was  _Rory Williams._

Okay, so the actor's name was Arthur Darvill, but she hadn't bothered to remember it. It took her a minute to process who he was when she had spied the long brown coat billowing around him as he turned in circles. The sun made his brown hair appear almost gold, and his chin had a bit more scruff to it. Felicity grinned at him, grabbing him by the shoulders to squeal in excitement.

"You're him!" she cried, "Rory Williams!"

"I'm sorry?" the man replied, "I think you have me confused with someone else. My name's Ri-"

Felicity nodded, "Rory Williams, I know!" She let herself take him in fully; he was dressed rather warmly for a summer day such as this. The tech nerd already felt herself sweating, although it was probably due more to nervousness than the heat. She smoothed down any wrinkles in her shirt, feeling herself blush, "You're my favorite character on the show, I mean, the way you waited for Amy to come out of Pandora's box was so _amazing-_ "

The man shook his head, "First off, I don't know anyone named Amy. Second, _my_ name is Rip Hunter, not this Rory Williams character you've associated me with." Felicity shrugged as he looked her up and down, his gaze lingering on his face, her shirt. It seemed like minutes had passed before he tore his gaze away, nonchalantly looking over her shoulder, behind his back, around her, anywhere but her face. His brow was scrunched with concern and he wore what was definitely a "Roy Williams Frown Of Disapproval." She had seen it on the character when he was displeased with any wacky plans the Doctor came up with that usually got him into trouble. Speaking of the Doctor....

"Do you know the Doctor?"

The man- Rip Hunter, Felicity stowed the name away in her mind- looked taken aback, "The Doctor?"

Felicity nodded, "Yeah. You know- wears a bow tie, sometimes a suit with Converse, a leather jacket. Drives a T.A.R.D.I.S. The Doctor."

Her heart fell as Rip shook his head, "Nope. Sorry. Now, I really _must_ be going-"

Rip swerved around her, and she watched him go, disappearing into the crowd with a swoosh of his brown coat. It was only until she got to the cave that she cursed at her own stupidity, "I so should have gotten him to sign my shirt! Felicity, you dummy!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I know this is kinda short, but I've only seen like, 3 episodes of Arrow (The ones with Barry Allen because I watched The Flash first), and I've only seen the pilot of Legends Of Tomorrow, so forgive me if Felicity and Rip were slightly out of character here.
> 
> And now I have to go catch up on Shadowhunters because my dad started the show without me! Ack!


	5. Late Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley runs away from the Joker.
> 
> Joe wakes up in the middle of the night for a snack, only to see a strange young woman rifling through his fridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while, but here's an update, finally.

Everything hurt. 

Harley knew she shouldn't have egged him on. She knew what would happen if she made him angry. 

But she didn't listen to the little voice, the one that said "If you do this, he'll do that." She went ahead and did it and now she was walking around some strange neighborhood in the middle of the night with no dinner, bruises and a bloody lip.

She was also pretty sure she sprained a wrist. The throbbing pain may have been an indicator. But she kept running, despite the fact that she was ready to drop dead. Despite being so hungry she felt she could eat her own arm off.

Streetlights gave her a small inkling of the neighborhood she was running through, with cookie cutter houses and wgite picket fences. After every two blocks, she'd stop to rest, only to charge full speed ahead if she heard so much as a cricket.

After about an hour of running blindly, Harley turned a corner and slowed to a walk. Her wrist twinged if she moved it a certain way, and it was obvious she was walking with a slight limp.

Ugh.

Just as Harley was about to give up, head to the city or a diner or just trek the highway, she heard a loud clanging noise. Not bothering to see what it was for herself, she cut across the lawn of someone's house (a light was on in an upstairs window, they should be able to help), and grabbed the door.

Throwing it open, Harley lurched inside, nit bothering to be quiet about the noise.

Her puddin' didn't know where she went. And she intended to keep it that way for a good, long time.

\----

All Joe wanted was a snack. That was it. With Iris at Eddie's now, he and Barry had the house to themselves. The ultimate bachelor pad.

Yawning, Joe ambled out of his room and down the stairs. Halfway down, he paused, and for a minute he thought he could hear something.

A slam. Heavy breathing.

But he reconsidered, chalking it up to his gurgling stomach. And that was how Joe West found himself in his kitchen staring down a young woman who looked like shit.

A strainedsilencee hung in the air as the two just stared, blinking owlishly at the other. The woman had one hand in the fridge, the other on some sort of weapon strapped to her shorts.

Crap.

"Listen, noone has to get hurt here-" Joe started as he flicked the light on, "But I'm a cop, if y-"

At the mention of his job, the woman bolted. She was lithe, Joe would give her that, but it was obvious she had no proper tactics when it came to burgling. She ran right at him, and Joe caught her easily around the waist, a series of thrashing limbs and string of curses that would out Captain Singh to shame. 

"Lemme go, you ass!" the woman demanded, raking red painted nails down Joe's arm. It stung, but he held strong.

"Listen, Miss-"

I ain't no Miss!" she spat, wrenching herself away from him, "N-now move it, before I do somethin' I'm gonna regret."

Joe raised an eyebrow, finally getting a chance to look her over. Her skin was a chalky white, bright red lipstick and blue and red eyeshadow smudged and smeared considerably.She wore a thick gold choker with matching spiky bracelets and a single glove. A letterman jacket hung from hrr arms, and her white tee shirt was torn in different places.

She stared at him, chest heaving as she glared.

"Are you in trouble?" Joe asked firmly. Her right arm was in the light of the open fridge, and now, as he stepped closer, he could see the bruises on her arm, dark and ugly.

"I'm always on trouble, whatsit t'you?" the woman shot back. Joe finally realized that this woman wasn't from Central City. Judging by the accent she could be from up North, by Boston.

"You want to tell me who did that to you?" Joe jutted his chin at her wrist. It hung odd as she pointed at him. He didn't doubt her other arm looked similar. The woman's face softened, unsure as she cradled her wrist to her chest.

"My puddin' didn't mean it," her voice was quiet, just so, "he didn't mean it,  _honest_ , Mistah."

Joe pursed his lips as the woman sniffed loudly, adding, "It was my fault, I shouldn'ta made him angry-"

Joe sighed. There were cases like this that always made their way to the station. He sat himself down on a stool by the island fixture across from where she stood, "Have a seat, miss-"

"My name isn't Miss," the woman said.

"Then what do I call you?"

She pondered the question, scrunching her nose before hopping up on the stool across from him, "Call me Harley. All my friends do."

Harley? Interesting. Joe watched as Harley glanced around the kitchen, "This is a nice place ya got here."

"Me and my kids live here," Joe explained, "can I see your wrist?"

Harley was reluctant, but she gave up her wrist with a scowl, "Kids, huh? Mistah J said he doesn't ever want kids."

Joe prodded Harley's wrist as gently as he could. He wasn't a doctor, but with the way the skin was swelling showed clear signs of a fracture. 

"Jay?" Joe said, "Harley, does he often get mad?"

Now Harley knew what he was trying to get at. Joe eyed her as she winced, changing the subject,"How old are your kids?"

"I have a daughter and a son," Joe said politely, "Iris is about your age, I think, twenty-three. Barry is twenty-six, he works with me at the Central City police department-"

"Central City?" Harley said with awe, "That's what this place is?"

Now Joe was worried.

"I'm from Gotham," she giggled at his slight panic, "from what I've seen, you guys make it look like a dump."

Shit. This woman came all the way from Gotham? No wonder she was frazzled, that place was insane! Joe could remember reading in the paper about the insane asylum breakout. He was just glad none of those loonies made it here.

"Is your Jay from Gotham too?" Joe asked, turning back to Harley's wrist. He could see hand snd finger shaped bruises, obviously male. There were indents and small cuts from rings as well. Before he could ask anymore, Harley went wide-eyed, pulling her arm away.

"Mistah J doesn't like when people touch his things," was all she said, staring at something over Joe's shoulder. She looked like a deer in the headlights, blue eyes wide with panic as a hand automatically went to he oversized gold choker on her neck.

"Joe?"

Joe turned around to see Barry standing in the door of the kitchen. His pajamas were wrinkled, his brown hair musses from sleep.

"Barry, what are you doing up?" Joe looked between Barry and Harley, unsure of what to do.

Barry shrugged, "I, uh, heard a noise, came to see if you were okay. Is everything okay?"

Joe knew he was talking about Harley. She definitely knew how to stand out in a crowd. Clearing his throat, Joe went to answer, but she beat him to the punch.

"Harley Quinn," she put on an air of confidence, winking as she added, "Pleased ta meetcha!"

Barry reciprocated her grin, "Likewise, although it would be better if it was bit two in the morning."

At the mention of the time, Harley stole a glance out the window, looking a tad nervous.

"You need a lift home, Harley?" Joe asked.

Silence.

Joe and Barry exchanged looks as Harley tugged at the ends of her blue and red pigtails, biting her lip as her hands then moved to the choker. It looked heavy and uncomfortable, and Joe was able to make out the word "PUDDIN'" that was elevated in big block letters on the surface.

"I guess  he does get mad a lot," Harley said finally, "to answer your question. But that's how he shows he loves me, that's what he said, but it hurts-"

Barry took a seat next to Joe. 

"What did Jay do to you, Harley?" Joe asked.

Harley hadstarted to cry, red and blue making rivers down her cheeks, "He knocks me around sometimes, y' know? I don't want him to be mad and he needed to let off some steam-" 

Joe pursed his lips. He knew if this were Iris he would never allow it. Iris was his daughter, and bo one laid a hand on his daughter without her permission should they want to incur hiss or the Flash's wrath. Barry seemed to have the same idea, his brown eyea soft as he gave Harley a supportive pat on the hand.

"-'n I told him to let go 'cuz I heard the crack and it hurt, but he wouldn't listen, he never listens," Harley gulped through tears, "but then I couldn't  _breathe_ -"

"Harley, let me see your neck," Joe cut her off. She looked at him for a minute, her fingers clutching the jewelry desperately.

She shook her head, "Mistah J got me this necklace. He'll get mad if he finds out I took it off-"

Joe was firm, "Harley Quinn. What this Jay is doing to you is not okay."

Harley didn't look scared, she just shrugged nonchalantly, "Well sure it is, it's how I know he loves me." 

This was bad. For whatever reason, it was apparent this Jay guy may have deluded her into this idea. That this treatment was normal. It wasn't. It was toxic abd dangerous and it was two in the morning abd he needed to get this woman help. Immediately. He pointed to the necklace.

"No one will tell Jay you took it off," Barry tried, "but we want to help you, and you'll let us, start with the necklace." 

It took a while, but Harley undid the clasp, and Barry looked angry. Joe could feel it coming in waves off the speedster, and he could see why. Long purple fingers decorated her neck, a few ring indents just above her clavicle. It was obvious one of them had spikes, with puncture wounds in the skin.

Joe wanted to throw up. Who would do this to someone? Who thought it was okay to treat a human being like this?! Barry was voicing his concerns, his tone rising as each second passed.

"-ot a thing!" he was saying, "You are not a possession, you are a person. You have rights and what he's doing to you contradicts those rights and for that.... for that I'm going to make sure the CCPD catch this guy and put him away for good."

"Oh, you can't do that, sugar," Harley said with a frown, "that's the Batman's job."

Batman? Wait. Joe recalled where she was from- Gotham. Yeah, that was it. She kept calling him 'Mister J," but that "J" had to mean something. He just couldn't put a finger on it.

Barry hadn't startes putting it together yet. He was on a roll, spouting the human rights listed in the Constitution with such ferocity that Joe didn't know he posessed. It was what Barry said next that threw Joe for a loop.

"Batman, huh? Well Batman better be ready because he's going to get a visit from the Flash real soon. The Joker won't even see him coming, I promise you that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Protect Harley from the Joker 2kForever
> 
>  
> 
> If you have any ideas, leave suggestions in the comments, and I'll credit you if I use it


End file.
